Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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