Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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