Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
