I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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