How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
