Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
