Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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