I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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