just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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