I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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