the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
