i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
