Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
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You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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