This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
