I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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