I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
