Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize