Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
