Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
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the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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