i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
