you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
