She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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