Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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