Nicole vs. Life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
