You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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