I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
