If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
