I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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