Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize