You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
