how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
