they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
