babies were throwing up all over the place
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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