I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
