I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
