She is in my trunk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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