I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
