I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
