her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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