i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
