Non-Jews are for practice
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
