Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
