i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD