They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.