I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dating After Heartbreak
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.