Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
