We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
