Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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