a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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