U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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