Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize