I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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