You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
