I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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