i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
