woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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