I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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