So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
