awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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