Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
