Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have aggressive nipples.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
