and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize